Strangers

As I walked down the street, I saw her from across the way. She was walking towards me, but we locked eyes for only a brief moment before she looked away. It was like we were strangers passing each other on the sidewalk, even though we used to be in love.

It's strange how quickly life can change. Not too long ago, we knew everything about each other - our favorite colors, our childhood stories, the little quirks that made us unique. But now, we co-exist in silence, as if we never shared a life together.

I can't help but wonder what went wrong. Was it the arguments we had? The misunderstandings? The distance that slowly grew between us? Or was it simply the fact that people change over time, and we just weren't meant to stay together forever?

Even though the pain of losing her is still acute, it feels as though I'm mourning the loss of a person I barely know anymore. It's like she's become a different version of herself, and I'm just a stranger passing by. Perhaps someday we'll find our way back to each other, but for now, we remain two separate figures in a crowded city

Bikash nirola

Cigarette friend

In the silence of the night,

I light my cigarette with a weary sight.

The moon shines bright,

But my heart is filled with a lonely plight.

The smoke curls up and disappears,

Just like the love that brought me tears.

The cigarette burns low,

As I remember how you let me go.

The moon watches over me,

As I drown in my own misery.

I inhale deep and exhale slow,

Wondering how I let my love for you grow.

But now I sit here all alone,

My heart shattered and turned to stone.

The cigarette goes out,

As I lay on my bed with a silent pout.

The moon still shines,

But my heart no longer intertwines.

For I am alone with only my sorrow,

And a cigarette as my only tomorrow.

Nights

Holding a cigarette in my hand

With a beer on the other

Following as to what my mind could hold

Standing alone in the fight so cold

Trying to find a way, before I get too old

Tackling the big dreams that I can hold

Unknown of what could happen at the very most,

With the tears that flow but still being bold

Where the dreams haunt like a real ghost,

Where predictions cannot be made in the dawn, For what is comming is better than what's gone, 

For thought howling in my head, telling me to take a step.

TikTok, TikTok reminds me of the game I owe, Will there really be a light at the end, where I can bow?

Bikash nirola

struggle in life

Life moves so fast, and we’re so distracted, that sometimes we just need to slow down, feel, think and just be. As a kid from a mediocre family, enormous dreams and high hope. In the dwell of civilization and revolution, I also wanted to become someone who could be looked upon. Seeing my parents work day and night to sustain the family, to provide with necessities and to thrive. I often asked myself, why are we so hard on ourselves? 

Dates back to the year 2013 when I used to study in class 12. With much hindrance to achieve the goals in life, with bags full of books. Time flies by prompt, and the whole year was put up to be assessed by an exam. My life long education came to the test, 3 hours down to me. Later on after everything, all the hard work I did, all the time i took, the result came and I saw I couldn't do well. It was like an end to what all I have thought, dreamed and drew in my mind about my future. It was after then I started to feel like nothing was going good, I was not worth into achieving my goals. I used to stay alone, isolated myself from friends and family' with the guilt that I couldn't come up to their expectations. People poked me, they talked about me and I was like a puppet among men.

On the contrary only parents know their children, my parents noticed my changes in behavior over the passing time, they came to me and console me. My dad told me son, life is never as easy as it seems to be. Hard work always pays off, in one way or the other. Make the familiar unfamiliar and see son. A man shall never be broken if he is determined to do what he wants to. Never consider yourself less than the other person. If they can, you can too. Don't listen to what the people say instead make an effort to achieve your goals, he said and after listening to what my dad told me and seeing hope in both of their eyes for me, my heart sparkled and I saw the hight of hope bright enough to grow my wings back and fly again. I learnt to struggle and come back from it. 

I believe everyone has fall in life, but one should always know how to rise up. Life is not a bed of roses, consequently when u fall, you should know how to hold on those thorns and rise again. I believe that the struggle we are going through today is the strength you will have to survive tomorrow. 

Mid-night label

Warm n cosy bed, shadows on the wall

Window open and breeze crackle in

I gaze at the light, up on the top

I wish u were here with me

All the fuss and tantrums of your

The cigarette we ligh and fight till we share,

The touch of ur hand till the warmth i feel

I wish u were here with me

The cuddle I miss, when being with you

The baby I turn till the time I see you,

The wide open eyes, that waits to see you

I wish you were here with me

No Matter how far till the next time I see you,

Just remember what I wish for you

And never fear for what is to be true, 

Just remember, I love you

drained

For you have lost the rose I used to be

As today I am like the door with no key

For I can be someone else in every second

And deceive it like a clown in a deadened

Stop saying that  you know me from who I was, 

And stop saying that I had no flaws

For I was someone with emotion in claws

And now I am left without any of my paws

Life has taught me to close my eyes and

To trust something that can even be a lie

And to unseen the truth as it is,

For you will be thrown apart in aquiz

Now Stop seeing me the way I was

And start to see how I will be in a pause

For we may cross the path in life

And you will see me back with my wife.

Learn to move-on and not to burn

For u have lost and got nothing to earn

But see me rise from your balcony's door

As I move alongside with a  roar

As Everything will fall out of place

Under the pillow Out of the race

With drops of tears rolling down your face

And someone not having to gaze..

Bikash Nirola

year 2020

What and how do you feel when I say the year 2020??

Well it's a big question mark isn't it? Well everyone knows how the year 2020 was and how everyone of us have dealt with it. We know what we wished at the end of 2019 and from the beginning of 2020 how it turned out to be. 

2020 as it is, I have seen families Begin separated. I have seen an individual loosing their legs, hands and their priorities. I have seen a mother cry over her lost babe, a father carrying his son's death body, I have seen dreams being shattered all over the floor, while the eyes still dream of fulfilling it. I have seen people cry over food, over to thrive and to survive. I have seen and I have felt how cruel it was for the mankind. 

Coffins became your house, ventilator became ur oxygen supply, where the ground of temple were left empty with hopes all seen. Where everyone and everything was kept still and only imagination and thoughts moved. 

People have suffered more that what they deserve. Like captured bired in a cage and a monkey in a zoo, we were made to thrive for freedom and survival. 

All I wish for 2021 is a healthy and blessed year where no one dies of a bad health and illnes and hunger. Where everyone gets meal on time and everything is back as is used to be. We deserve things better then this. God bless us all.

think about

Nothing'new though. I was coming out of the hospital as my duty got over and I happen to see a group of people gathered nearby a distance. I was confused as to what these people are doing there. I went close to see it. Hence then they were packing a dead body, the cascade was next to the body and a girl nearby her Early 30's, crying at a distance. I took my steps backwork, took a lean on the side wall and started thinking..

Life is 3 step journey, firstly your born then secondly you live ur life and thirdly you die. Among these three plases of life when you born u cry and everyone laughs, cheers and celebrate for you. Secondly when u live people will laugh at u, then you will cry for plent of reasons by your own , you go through hell lot of ups and downs then finally you are silent, you don't utter a word, your chest stops recoiling and you no longer breath. the PQRST wave on an ECG machine goes flat then people will cry for you. You will get your recognisation, people will talk how grate a person you're and all the things.

Why to appreciate a person when he's no more?? Why look up to the flaws when a person is no more?? Because what he is and now he's no more, it's all gone with him. Moaning last for few days or max a month. You are a forgotten soul henceforth. All that remains is a photo frame hanging on the wall with the spider web. That your value.

People would be there, surrounding you at every moment of ur life but the thing is how many of them will remain?? Its so easy to identify, at the end they will pack u up, wrape you around on piece of cloth, if ur Christian then they'll put u in Cascade and burry you if of other then you will get burned into ashes. Then where is ur idendity??? One cannot go with the ashes and say this is Mr. X or whatever it is.

Leave behind your pride, leave behind your ego, there is nothing kept it in. If people are staying happy, let them stay happy just don't create disharmony among them. Ultimately u will be turning into ashes and ashes with such quality doesn't get adjusted anywhere.

So by the time I was lost in my thought, the body was all sealed and was loaded on the car to be taken. I quickly rushed to the girl and I asked, was he ur father?? Yes, a very low sounding voice spoke up. I hope his soul would get the grace on heaven. And I made my way out..

Rough roads ahead

Incomplete feelings

Compromising and sacrifices

I may not be there the next moment

I miss you and I love you still

Stranger's we will be soon

But Stay with me, 

You are no less then the drug to me

Like the flower that dies

when the sun hides 

And survives 

When it feels life

Be my Sunshine and let me live

Lets heal and love ourselves

Not being selfish 

And surviving till the end.

what if

My heart is scared

My lips are stitched

My Nights are still 

What about those dream which got broken?

What about the person that got lost?

Will my wish ever get fulfilled?

You got no falws in yourself

You are just having a badday, 

let it go...

Let it go, what is no more there

The one who went is already gone

You got no flaws in urself ❤️

I have been friend with the darkness

Forgot the essence of light

And lost in the thoughts within

I have been broken from inside

Tried to smile but forgot the curves

And getting stucked on the scars formed

I tried to move on 

But scared of the truth

If the slight of happiness would fade

And would go forever from you

Bikash_cobra

I still love you

Here I am back in my balcony

Yes, there I am still waiting to see you

Yes, I miss you more than ever

I miss you for not being here with me

To the calls you responded 

And to those denied I love you

I talk to the wind, I hear the rain whisper

Never knew u could be this addective

Wait for me, for an instances

My eyes search for u everywhere

Yes I miss you more than I ever did

I miss you for not being here with me.

I am sorry, my heart still beats to your name

To all those beautiful days and night

I still wait to see you,

I still love you... 

I know it's hard to love a health care professional.

I know it's hard to love a health care professional. 

We get up early or work all night. We're late home and too tired to cook. We work alot because we know there are sick people who need us. We missed alot of events(weekends, holiday's, birthday's, parties). We don't get excited with your little "boo" because we've seen much worst things on our shift.

We don't want to talk when we get home. We've  been talking all day. We don't want to move, we've been running all day. You feel like we Left all our attention, heart and love at work and we're empty. And yes, we are.

We don't tell you that many time in the day we were anxious and scared. Because we work with lives or solve many stressful situtions with the best of our smiles.

You know what, we love our job.

That's why I know it's hard to love a health care professional, but you need to know, we need your love. We need your understanding. We need to be taken care of from time to time

We need another person to take care of the details because doing everything ourselves is exhausting. We need a shoulder to cry on without explaining the reason. 

We need you to do the hardest job you can do,

Appreciate the cause and love us!

○Thank you 💓

Yes it is 3 am in the morning
And I miss u lot
I miss the old us, the old you
I miss u dumbo

I miss u more everyday
For no one can replace you
I can wait for you even longer
Longer than your anger can last for

Be a piller to success

When was the last time u were happy and yet couldn't feel.
When was the lastime u were sad and still had a smile on my face.
For I wonder u miss that so much. Still got the memories, and u feel so alone.
When was the lastime u were away and still felt like home.
For what now all u feel is loneliness, wanting and love. The love n care like a little one does.
Nothing lasts forever. You have been down to the depth and to the top. Not everything last forever. Even the worst day just have 24 hours.
Keep moving, success awaits. Failure can never stop a learning mind.
All the best to those who feel bad and had experience failure.
Success awaits, keep trying.
             
         Bikash

Depression

It started little early but I knew it little late. Never could i understand that it was more than sadness.
Depression? You must have heard of it, didn't you? It is a dark rainy cloud always stay in on top of you and you can never stay happy because you have the miserably feeling. 

Even after she told me, she did her best to hide from me. I could never understand her. Once she showed me her fingers with scars, I was so much scared and the thoughts which crossed my mind made me so sad. I though how hard, how sad and how much pain does a person have to bear to take a blade and cut into her skin? I could never imagine how hard it was for her.

My life was full of late night calls. I felt that she was literally dying on the other side. I felt helpless and I never knew what to say. Those nights if I would even sleep, than I would wake up in the middle of the night, being scared and a fear of loosing her forever.

We spent days in phone calls and text and she crying Her eyes out, swollen n paining. It took me Alot Alot to understand her, feel her and to stand where she was standing. I did say all the right things to make her feel better but nothing seemed to work either. 

Later on, she started taking medicines to fall asleep and to escape the reality but the reality that she thought kept on eating her from the inside.

Later then, I decided to take all her issues onto myself as my own issue and my own problems. I literally felt so much helpless and sad. I have even spend nights where I felt I would loose her and cried myself out. I felt like my best was not even good enough.  I worried second and every day, hence I felt like I live for her and her soul looked for peace.

Then I realised I couldn't fix her. There was nothing In my power to fix someone with issue that go so much deep in mind.
Her own image was trying to take her life.  All the little issues and insecurities breaking her down and taking her own life. No matter what I did or what I said, nothing seemed to help.

Fixing depression was not my share but I never left her side and decided this to be my best decision of my life and stay with her. I always tried helping by listening to her, trying to understand her little by little and most importantly not giving up on her. There were even times even when I had to leave in the middle of the talk and backup so that she could not break her with emotions and anger. It was hard on deciding so but had no other option.

I understood that there was a huge gap in the level of understanding between her n mine. I could never help her like the way she wanted me to help her.

Never expect someone with such condition to ask for help by themselves. How can one who is ready to take a blade and cut herself have the courage to face others and ask for help.

Every year we consider October as the month of depression awareness month but actually how many have we found and cured?  One cannot simply cure depression unless proper support n care is given.

We need to understand them, they didn't enter this phase with a choice to. They did because they had no other choice and no control over it. 

                                     Bikash Nirola

I want to shout out loud
Open my voice till the vocal tears
Show what it really is like
For being in the place where I am

Feelings are not being felt
Sorrows no longer give pain
Happiness no longer brings smile to my face
And words keep on giving me pain

For what I did was a mistake
For what you did was a mistake
Then what is it that faith did upon us
Is that just a mystery or a stake

Home

The winter is here again
And I miss the place where I belong
Where my Hero's await for me
heart bounded by their love

And the wait continues
From days now became months
With home the only hope
Where I see roads being too long

From Every sunset to sunrise
Where my heart only looks for you
The place where I wish to belong
With memories I hold and hope

And I believe, one day for sure
A beautiful morning would come
When I will open my eyes
Just to be where I belong
🏡 🏡

Kisses

He - hey babe, can I get a kiss?
She - muah! Here you go
He - can u kiss me again?
She - muah! She kissed her again.

Then both of them cried, because distance relationship are painful many a time.

Mother to son

With the flow of your dream
Here you go to achieve it
May take you years to come
Yet you will one day return

I saw you in my dream
I was bit scared, little worried, yet happy
As you are far from me,
But still I can see you in my dreams

In the city of dreams with unknown sigh
You may get pained, worried and stressed
And the distance prick pain in my heart
Waiting for you to come back home 😔

You may miss home, and it may be painful
But hold on and stay strong, take care
Don't Worry about us, what matters for us is what matters for you
And this is how it is meant to be.

I saw you in my dreams tonight
I was bit scared, little worried yet happy
As you are far from me
But still I can see you in my dreams.

Love, Mom ♥ ♥

Bikash Nirola

Take me back to the night we met

The stars were awake to the tone of an ambient music,
In fading crimson hue they galloped
Excited, like the bridegrooms white horse
To and fro in the heavenly sky
Forming constellation of love unbound.
The sky blushed bright and beautiful
Endless night sky winked at the passerby beneath
Weaving candid dreams,
In shades of the incandescent moon
Within its full glare they walked the road not taken
And the full moon held all their secrets.
The cool winter breeze whispered
And sang the song of solace,
Hearts danced to the flow of the winter song.
Her cascade of golden hair, once a ponytail
Fell down her slender back
Coated in aroma of fresh fruity shampoo
Her eyes, an alluring work of art
The gateway to the world of his dreams
Revived his hopes, shattered and old
Like stars they twinkled,
And like an idiot lost in the world of fantasy
He stared, all and over again
Without a blink he stared
Deep in through her eyelashes
The majestic glow froze his bones
Melted his heart,
He could feel himself hypnotized
For beauty defined her
An epitome of love she was.
They were led by the path they took
In an endless pavement sideways they walked
Smiled more talked less
And hardly did they get closer
To compare their heights
Together for a coffee they sat
In each sip he wove a dream of love eternal
Together forever she was his world.
Under the sparkles of the moon
And the glow of her eyes
He took a secret oath to be with her
For generations to unfold
She was his life saviour,
He realised the night they met.

P.s: Thank you Shiv Nepal for this wonderful poem. It actually made the moments come to life again